I was blind and I’m not here to lie about it!! And I’m not here to shift my priorities to blend with the trend.

Ending systemic racism is not a social media trend.

Estimated reading time: 9 minutes

This has to be work that we do for the long haul. It has to be something we really take the time to learn. And it will require unlearning the unequal, unjust, unfair ways our society has conditioned us to live. That shits hard! But I tell you, I am excited to do the work. I am disappointed that it took so long for us to realize but I am excited that people are coming together to actually make change. Obama said it in a recent interview, (he was a civil rights lawyer before he was our president so he’s been fighting the fight for a long time) he has never seen so many people, especially young people, come together like this to make real political change. You can really see it in someone’s eyes when they actually want to make a difference in the world. And as much as there are still racists, and our leader is still racist, majority of the collective is fighting for change. Let’s jump down from our ivory towers and join the fight.

Last week I was going to post an article called “Emmy June: The Meaning Behind The Middle Name.” I’m sorry, but ew! Literally a post all about me! How selfish!!

It was actually pretty interesting because it had to do with June’s relations to the Roman goddess Juno. So I may rewrite it a bit and still post it sometime later on this June, but the point is, I took this past week off Facebook and I amplified melanated voices on Instagram and Twitter. And it’s easy to say, “oh hey look-I amplified melanated voices for a week so I’m not racist, ok now back to normal!!”

But no. This is not my intention. And I’m sad if that is what anyone reading this plans to do…

Taking this week off from posting original content (except for the one post I had regarding black lives matter and how we should not keep quiet at this time) made me realize that I am so blind. The point of amplifying melanated voices was not to make us all hate ourselves but to make us really stop, listen to the black perspective, and think. Think of ways we can do better. And I’ve discovered many areas of my life that I can do better for black people and humanity as a whole.

First Area: I can learn History!

I typed up a post this past week and I have yet to post it…I have been tracking my learning process so I don’t get lost in my emotions and so I can continue to support the Black Lives Matter movement. I don’t know if I will post that post though… My feelings last week were pretty deeply intense and geared towards fixing others. But I am discovering that I can’t fix other people. I can’t waste my energy on them, I have to start with me. But regardless of whether I post that post or not, one crucial discovery I made is that I didn’t learn shit about history when I was in school!

To give you my perspective, I am from a fairly small town on the IL side, right outside of Saint Louis. All of my history teachers were white sports dads who also coached our schools sports teams. My senior year, it was required we take Government class and I specifically remember my teacher coming in one day and asking us if we saw the Lorax in theaters yet. This man then proceeded to rant about how the Lorax was the worst movie he’d ever seen and how he tried to stay in the theater for his kids but he couldn’t get past the “hippy tree hugging bull shit”. He told us that he left the movie theater early because he didn’t want his kids to fall for that “hippy bull shit”. This was my government teacher. So imagine how I did in his class! I barely passed with a D because I refused to give a shit in a class with a teacher that was so fucking hateful. Sadly he was not the only teacher like that.

This was my education. Maybe this is why I hated History? Maybe it was because we didn’t hear actual stories from empathetic teachers who were passionate about history? Maybe it was because my teachers were required to share the bare minimum from the books they were given? Maybe it’s because I had zero connection with the stories the books provided; therefore, I had zero interest in memorizing that bull shit. The history classes I took were all about memorizing bull shit in order to pass the tests.

So what am I doing about this now?

I am learning History on my own terms and making up for lost time. Early last week I googled the History of police. I found several articles on this topic and compared them to make sure what I was reading was true. I am not done with this history lesson either. There is much to know about the policing system and how it got to where it is now. But I’ll tell you, I sure learned a lot from the few articles I found and it’s not good. (Maybe I will write a research paper/blog post on it if ya’ll are interested. Let me know!)

Second Area: I can vote!

I have never voted before. I was honestly too anxious to argue about politics in the past and I refused to watch the news. Also, I am afraid of going out in public when it involves an unfamiliar place, so I was definitely afraid of going to the polls these past few years. But I am learning that these are invalid fears that I MUST overcome. I did nothing to stop Donald Trump from being president; therefore, I have no say in what should have happened years ago. I will not make that mistake again.

But in order to vote effectively, I must do the work in order to make a genuine vote that resonates with my souls feelings rather than my family’s. And I have to vote for more than just the President of the United States! I have to vote for the locals, the people who make the changes in my direct community. So I have a lot to learn there!!

Third Area: I can learn about our current systematic American policies.

I believe that our systems are so complex that the true fucked upness is hidden from us within the complexities. And I’m a woman who doesn’t like to be played, so I am bound and determined to break through these systems and figure out what’s wrong here.

Every career test I’ve ever taken says I’d make a good politician. Every time I see that, I laugh and look at the next career option. I always said that there was no way in hell I would be one of those sleazy, money hungry, politicians. But who says politics has to be that way? Who says genuine human beings don’t have a place in politics? Sure I’m not going to be the next president, but there are so many ways I can help my local community by learning the flaws in the system, connecting the through lines, and helping make change for the better by voting. I don’t have to be a speaker; maybe I can do these things through writing or volunteering! There is more to life than what I have been doing. I have a voice that matters.

Fourth Area: I Can Physically Show Up to Support My Community.

Like I mentioned above, being active in politics doesn’t have to be this big thing. We are not all front line, leaders. We are not all great at amping people up and getting them motivated to make change. But being there for our communities is important. I have done little to nothing so far in my life to support my community.

Granted, I spent the majority of my teens and early twenties hating people. (Hello Emo kid!) Anything that could get me out of talking to people at an event, I was down for it. But I know that was just my anxiety talking. I am determined to find break the anxious change and find ways to support my community in a way that resonate with me. I live in Saint Louis now. There are endless organizations I can join and volunteer my time towards. I just have to seek them out.

The main thing that really inspired me to actively participate with my community, was going to a Black Lives Matter rally in Edwardsville IL this past weekend. It was there that I discovered the POWER of community. (I may also write a blog post with more details on my protest experience if anyone is interested.) I discovered that even the small southern Illinois towns I grew up in, have people who feel unwanted and unequal. And most importantly, it is those towns that also have racist cops. It was there that I realized that most of us don’t want to be like the people we grew up hating. Most of us just want to be ourselves and be free. We don’t want to live up to the expectations of society. It’s not just major cities where this shit goes down.

I was terrified to go to that protest. I know that I hate crowds and I know that I absorb the feelings of those around me, especially in large groups. But I had no idea that feeling the energy of a ton of people who all shared the same overwhelming emotions that I did, would be so refreshing.

When we are surrounded by a community of like minded people, we are at ease. We are safe. We are home. I want that. I want to find a community of people who want similar things that I want: Peace, Love and Equality.

I think that volunteering for a cause that speaks to you, is the best way to achieve that sort of bliss.

So no. I am not done learning. Never will be done. I don’t have it all figured out and I’m not going back to my same white privileged bubble. (I’m still going to have white privilege, I’m just hoping I can actually do something with it for once.)

I will continue to push myself in ways that benefit the greater good. I will continue to share my journey with you all so that maybe one day I can inspire everyone who reads my blog to love and be loved, no matter your sexuality or the color of your skin!

Mercury Retrograde in Cancer: Shadow Work